Here I Go Again!

"Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a thousand times." ...Is one of my favorite quotes from Mark Twain and one I've been repeating to myself a lot over the last year. Everyday is a fresh start and a chance to try again.

I feel like this art "thing" is evolving and becoming easier. The inner critic is finally learning to shut the hell up and I'm learning to balance my time better. Between Responsibilities, Restoration, Relaxation, Reproduction and avoiding a Rut it's quite a balancing act.

Most people don't realize how much "business" goes into being an independent artist. I am extremely fortunate to have a wonderful partner in this life who is financially supporting us while I'm building this business of art. Being an artist himself, it is a wonderful gift everyday. One I am working very hard not to fritter away.

To help stay focused Husbang (@misterbowen) & I have started Podcasting. We are working up to consistently posting 30 to 45min every week. We are discussing what inspires us, this grand journey of art, and people we meet along the way.

Our hope is to encourage ourselves and others to get out there and create. Create anything...pick a number and do it. We have each been working on 100 paintings each. We're getting there!

Check it out at: One Hundred of Something

Art Heals

It's been nearly 40 days since I last updated my Twitter or Facebook... and months since I substantially wrote here. I've been in what I call a "cocoon phase", which means I checked out like JD Salinger.

I deal with a myriad of health issues that prevent me from working in a "regular" job. Fortunately I have a wonderfully supportive and amazing Husbang who financially supports our family single-handedly and quite comfortably. Plus, he consistently tells me to stop beating myself up and do what I love. I am blessed.

The past 2 months have been difficult. I've been mostly bedridden with the inability to walk due to a 10 year old back injury and severe depression. I know it's cliche but, the chronic pain I have is not something I'd wish on anyone.

So the first few weeks was spent mostly sleeping, zoning out on movies and doing my best to shower on "good days" when I wasn't hobbled like a geriatric line-backer. It was not a good place.

Since getting laid off from my theatre job in 2009, we made the decision that I would follow one of my dreams and work on art full time. I realized about 3 weeks ago that I didn't have to get out of bed to make art. I decided that I wanted to find other artists with which to trade ATC's (artist trading cards) to have a "reason" to make art.

Well, it worked. Since finding Swap-bot, a website connecting people who love to make stuff, at the beginning of May, I have successfully made more progress with my art than I have in the past year. I am making art every day. And slowly, but surely, I'm having more "good" days than bad.

I also learned from another artist that Frida Kahlo suffered from chronic pain her whole life... and she accomplished so much. If she can do it...so can I.

7/1000 Baby Steps

The Theatre Arts has been my life. I wrote, directed and created costumes for my first play when I was in Kindergarten.

Fortunately Mom and Ms. Rising, the poor soul teaching me that year, were not only tolerant of my antics, but supportive. I remember giving Ms. Rising a preview copy of my script; getting her approval to produce the performance one sunny afternoon in our plant filled classroom.

All of the costumes were made of construction paper which I generously let the actors keep. I gained a reputation for being "bossy" from the other kids after directing a stunning show. A trait I have since learned to both embrace and temper.

I've continuously engaged in some kind of performing arts since that day. And held some pretty interesting jobs as a result...actress, carnival barker, director, costumer, circus ring mistress, producer, radio personality, adult educator, stand-up comic, improviser...

Having babies didn't put a damper on my passion. I was breastfeeding my 5 week old daughter on rehearsal breaks while directing "12 Angry Men". When we moved to Seattle I got a job teaching adults. I traveled around the country teaching... which was really just an 8 hour one woman show for intimate audiences in hotel ballrooms. So there wasn't a lot of time to commit to the process of being in an actual bone fide theatrical production.

Even though the kids weren't exposed to theatre constantly, they grew an interest in the art form at early ages. My son convinced me to do my first Seattle audition because he wanted to be in "A Christmas Story". Luckily we were both cast. He played "Show Mommy How The Piggies Eat" Randy and I the cackling school teacher of "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" fame. So began the past decade returning to my beloved Church of Illusion.

But I've become disillusioned.

The same routine, similar characters with different names, no new adventures to take my breath away... the "been there, done that" t-shirt of predictability is moth-eaten.

Two years ago Husbang & I discovered the world of Alternative Arts. A mis-mash of techniques, tools and mediums. Although fine art has a different rhythm, it takes my breath away.

This past week I realized that I can't just make the leap to art and expect to land where I was in the realm of theatre. I guess when you spend 30 years honing a certain skill set it's easy to forget how to take baby steps.

4/1000 Out of the Woods

Listening to the sound of silence for three days was, apparently, just what I needed.

I was dreading coming back to civilization, thinking my reentry would be jarring. The woods were so peaceful. Lush green so vivid and beautiful it makes your heart ache. The fresh smell of the earth, the way the sunlight dances on spiderwebs. Dew-kissed wildflowers. It was all so incredible.

With three days of being able to think, sleep, make art and even cry without being interrupted I was worried the bombardment of people would be too much. But thankfully, my head doesn't feel like it's about to spin off the way it did before I left.

Feeling centered and in my being, I made some personal discoveries in the woods. I found the common thread of what has been weighing me down the past year. Although I didn't reach a resolution, I know which path to take.

3/1000 Into The Woods

Today I am in the woods of Washington staying in a wonderful healing Yurt... at least that is what I am anticipating as I write this (a day early... ahh the powers of technology!).

My plan is to write and eat and absorb nature and art and heal for 36 or so hours. A solo silent retreat.

I've never done anything like this before although I've recommended it to many. It's a little nerve wracking but it will be good.

2/1000 Just be yourself?

Since making the decision to pursue art full time I have stumbled. 13 years ago, before my daughter was born, my head was spinning with all kinds of ideas.

Weird Ideas, with a capital "I".

Crazy quilted pieces with with paper stitched to them and images emblazoned...antique junk pieced together to make new things... jewelry with silk and silver and old rusty things...

There was nothing out there like it at the time... it was a fusion of art techniques and hardcore crafting. I tried to create what was in my head with what I had and I failed.

Not being able to find the supplies I wanted was frustrating. Not having any extra money to blow on experiments with expensive art supplies was even worse. All the books available were tired art techniques of watercolors and the like. Additionally, without the connection of the Internet (still in it's infancy) I had no clue there were others out there thinking the same. I let the ideas subside after a few dismal attempts.

Three years ago I discovered Art Fest and the world of Alternative Art. I felt like I was breathing again!

It was all the Weird I had been thinking of years ago with a huge Plus; fully realized and wrapped up in a funky bow ready for me to enjoy.

The downside, I am now coming to discover, is that it's all been "done". In the decade it took me to "discover" my community they had all been hard at work developing techniques, creating process and exploring supplies.

So where do I fit in? Of course, "Be the best you can be!", and a bunch of other cliches come to mind. There's the question of "personal style" etc. What would the world have missed if Picasso said "There's already so many people painting, I should just become a carpenter."

For today the grand pursuit will have to be just being the best Self I can. After all, everyone else is already taken.

#1 How Art Harpy Got Her Groove Back

I started Blogging in 2004.

The first blog I set up was a private blog... so private in fact that I now can not find the bugger. It was nice to have something so private that no normal person could access it (unlike a written journal lying around), yet so public that any hacker could free my words to the world...I got a little rush every time I posted.

Then I started Girl Scout Gone Bad. A place where I could post about my daily life and the angst of raising a family who was a little too smart for it's own good. My goal was to post something funny every day and I did. I posted nearly every day for a year.

Suddenly, through a series of unfortunate events I found myself not feeling funny anymore. Which sucks because I was a stand up comic for a few years. And to lose my sense of humor? Well I might as well have put in for a transfer to the Middle East. I was full of all kinds of negative garbage which I couldn't manage to turn into anything constructive. It was a difficult time and I was not willing to spew it on to my readers.

The past year has been one of tremendous growth for me (which is code for "my life is a roller coaster in a sewage treatment plant and I'm learning a lot"). I am coming to terms with a soon to be empty nest (not a problem) and freeing myself to be a visual artist (problem).

I'm in the midst of figuring out how to be self disciplined, balanced in work/play, and trusting my instincts to free my sense of artistic self.

This is a creative journey of the heart I want to share; like the crazy moments of domestic life on Girl Scout Gone Bad. My hope is that you will find inspiration, or at least humor, in my struggles. Know that what ever creative endeavor you are pursuing, be it art, writing or living with intention, you are not alone in your struggles.

I'm planning to post 1000 different posts of words, art or things I find inspiring.

Yes, it's a mighty undertaking but as Lao Tzu the Taoist Philospoher said, "The journey of 1000 miles must begin with a single step."

This is my single step.